Feeling very alone right now. Not sure why. Feeling alone and adrift, heading nowhere and with no one by my side.
Has my time as a prowling maneater on the loose finally caught up with me? Perhaps. Having many men I spend time with but no one to truly belong to is much more lonely than I had expected. It's lonely to have to keep rejecting their offers of commitment, while I keep waiting for a man I feel is truly worthy of my commitment.
Am I being too picky? I don't know. I want a man that I am physically attracted to, I won't lie about that. I hate to be shallow like that, but is it really that much to ask for? I want someone smart, with ambition and goals, someone who can hold an intelligent conversation with me. Someone who is going somewhere with their life. Someone who likes animals, and is not allergic to cats. Someone I can goof off with, because I can be such a dork. Someone who wouldn't mind laying around all day with me, watching dvds or tv. Someone who can handle me in bed, because I can be a bit of horny sex kitten... I love sex. Someone who will be affectionate with me, as I love to be affectionate and cuddly- hand holding, little kisses on the lips and cheek, butt pinching, etc. Someone who makes time for me, someone who will go out of their way to tell me that they like me and seek me out when we are dating. Someone who will get along with my friends and be able to spend time around my family.Someone who stands up for me- I will not tolerate being disrespected and not being defended by my boyfriend. I dealt with that way too much before.
Why do I ask for so much? Because I offer all of this in return. Is it really that crazy to want someone who can be on my level? I want someone who is just as well rounded as me. There has to be a man out there who is just as amazing as I am.... Where is he?
In the meantime, I guess I'll just keep waiting it out...... I suppose I choose loneliness over settling.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Damn, I've been in blog hibernation
It's been quite a while since I've written in here. It's always been in the back of my mind too.... "Gee I should really update my blog," I would think to myself, but then I would put it off and pay attention to other random distractions.
Whatever... here it goes.
I'm looking for work. I haven't been able to find a permanent job. I have been looking for one since I graduated from college 2 years ago. Instead I've have only found a few temporary positions that never panned out. I was so desperate for work about a year and half ago, that I wandered into the "adult gigs" section of craigslist.
There was a lot of disturbing shit in there. It really freaked me out. But there was an ad in there for foot models. My mom has always told me that I had pretty feet, that I got that from my grandma, and I should always take care of them. So I thought, "What the hell," and answered the ad.
The guy I met introduced me to the business, and sort of taught me how to make my own money at it. I do private foot worship sessions. Guys pay me to worship my feet. Some of them kiss my feet, lick them, suck on them, bite them, massage them. Some masturbate, others only worship. I don't give footjobs, but I always get requests for them. It's annoying. No matter how clearly I indicate that on my ads, some douchebag always asks for them. Learn to read, asshole.
It's not a steady income. I get so many calls and emails and texts, but only about 5% of guys will actually follow through and actually end up meeting me.
Sigh....
Are you really that surprised? Look around... people are losing their homes and jobs left and right. I'm a beautiful, intelligent woman with a bachelor's degree..... and I can't find work anywhere.
It's a job. Sometimes I get a kick out of it, how weird some people. Sometimes it's annoying, and gross.... but goddammit it pays. I have to give props to the girls out there who can strip, or work in porn, or the hookers. That kind of work takes more balls than I have. I wish I had the nerve and the strength to do it... not because I would want to do it, but because it's steady work.
I just wish I could get a job in a shitty little office somewhere, I would be so grateful for a simple, humble job, just to save money and pay the bills....
But so far, the only people calling me are guys who have seen my ad. My phone is buzzing, back to work.....
Whatever... here it goes.
I'm looking for work. I haven't been able to find a permanent job. I have been looking for one since I graduated from college 2 years ago. Instead I've have only found a few temporary positions that never panned out. I was so desperate for work about a year and half ago, that I wandered into the "adult gigs" section of craigslist.
There was a lot of disturbing shit in there. It really freaked me out. But there was an ad in there for foot models. My mom has always told me that I had pretty feet, that I got that from my grandma, and I should always take care of them. So I thought, "What the hell," and answered the ad.
The guy I met introduced me to the business, and sort of taught me how to make my own money at it. I do private foot worship sessions. Guys pay me to worship my feet. Some of them kiss my feet, lick them, suck on them, bite them, massage them. Some masturbate, others only worship. I don't give footjobs, but I always get requests for them. It's annoying. No matter how clearly I indicate that on my ads, some douchebag always asks for them. Learn to read, asshole.
It's not a steady income. I get so many calls and emails and texts, but only about 5% of guys will actually follow through and actually end up meeting me.
Sigh....
Are you really that surprised? Look around... people are losing their homes and jobs left and right. I'm a beautiful, intelligent woman with a bachelor's degree..... and I can't find work anywhere.
It's a job. Sometimes I get a kick out of it, how weird some people. Sometimes it's annoying, and gross.... but goddammit it pays. I have to give props to the girls out there who can strip, or work in porn, or the hookers. That kind of work takes more balls than I have. I wish I had the nerve and the strength to do it... not because I would want to do it, but because it's steady work.
I just wish I could get a job in a shitty little office somewhere, I would be so grateful for a simple, humble job, just to save money and pay the bills....
But so far, the only people calling me are guys who have seen my ad. My phone is buzzing, back to work.....
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